Masks

I read an article a few weeks ago that I found pretty interesting.  It talked about how every person has different “masks” for the different groups they associate with.  You have one persona that you put on for your parents, one persona for work, one for friends, one for significant others.  The article said you can have a different “mask” for each and every person you talk to.  Well it got me thinking, and I realized something I wish I had realized a lot sooner…

The masks and personas I wore for my different groups was effecting the one person that didn’t deserve to see anything but the real me.  The person I was when I was with the bros, I don’t need that.  The person I was when I was getting smashed, I don’t need that either.  And that leads me into the next theme of this post:

I’m done with the stupid shit I used to do.  I used to drink every night, stay out till 3 in the morning, smoke a pack a day, and bullshit with friends every night.  A year ago.  I’m fucking 23 years old, I have a career, I have a home, I’m dating the most amazing and loving girlfriend a guy could ask for – why would I want to drink every night, stay out till 3 in the morning, or smoke a pack a day?  Short answer: I don’t.  Long answer: I don’t want to lose the friends I used to to that with.  But unfortunately, people get out of those stages earlier than others.  Some people have a reason to stop, some people don’t.  But in the end, I needed to recognize what’s progressing my life and what’s not.

Shit, some people feel the need to inject themselves into every fucking facet of their friends’ lives.  “I know for a fact that this is how he feels.”  Stop lying to yourself, you don’t know a fucking thing.  It’s easy for you to play the fake friend, the friend that pretends to care but then turns around the next day and bashes your name into the dirt.  How dare you!  How dare you dispense your 2 cents so freely with absolutely no thought to the repercussions of your exaggerations and pseudo-psychology.  You don’t know anything about anything, and your actions speak clearly to that.

And lastly, I’ve had enough of the one-sided bullshit friendships that people have been involved in lately.  “I’m friends with so-and-so, and they have a more flexible schedule to hang out, so I’m going to stop making an effort with this other friend.”  Fuck.  You.  How dare you ask for one person’s sympathy and support when you needed it, then throw that person away when they needed the same?  When it comes down to it, you change who you are for your friends.  You have no individuality.  So go ahead and blend in with the other sheep, it’s easier than forging your own path.

In the end, the drama has no part to play in my life any more.  I’m focusing on what matters and putting and end to what doesn’t.  So talk shit about me, talk shit about my girlfriend.  All it does is transport you back to high school, whereas we’re moving forward in life and recognizing what truly matters.  High school was the time and place for you to be a shitty friend.  It was a the time and place to have those different “masks” for each person you talked to, because most of those people didn’t matter in the long run.  Now we’re out of high school, and yet none of you can be real to anyone but yourself.  Now your circle of friends is smaller, yet you keep up those masks.  I’m just as guilty, but I’m stopping that now.  I’m done with being a different person for each of my different groups.  I’m a loving, caring boyfriend who wants to see his girlfriend succeed.  I wanna see her marching by at the end of BMT.  I want to be with her forever.  That little boy, I’d do anything for him.  I’m not going to pretend to be a badass or the cool guy anymore, so if you can’t handle the real me, then say your goodbyes – I won’t miss you.

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