Late Night Bestivus

We’re over two weeks into 2015 and this is my first post of the year.  Not sure how this coincides with my writing habits of years past, but I feel like this is a pretty good effort on my part.

It’s like 1 in the morning EST here, and I can’t sleep to save my fucking life.  I can guarantee if I took a poll amongst people in my age bracket, 90% of respondents would say that there are certain songs they love, but would never openly admit to it.  I’m part of that group, in all honesty.  I’ve got an entire hidden playlist in Spotify that contains my ‘dirty little secrets’.  Songs that are either emasculating, embarrassing, or some mix of the two.  Whatever, I don’t give a fuck.

My playlist contains a lot of sappy shit.  Some of it instantaneously takes my mind back to times in my life where I was unbelievably happy.  ‘This was our song’ or something along those lines.  Other tracks are just catchy pop songs that I could literally never cop to liking.  Ah well, it’s whatever.

I can’t sleep, so I’m on the internet.  That’s a bright fucking idea.  Oh hey, might as well fire up a movie or some shit.  I’m sure that’ll let me get to sleep.  I scoured reddit looking for any subs that matched this random thing I’m looking for.  A late-night chatroom or some shit.  A place for the insomniacs tonight.  Nothing.  Imgur wasn’t much better.  I found a random ICQ chatroom with people talking about flying hot dogs and apple pie, but that weirded me out.  It’d be right up your alley, Dickie.

Soooooo I’m here typing my thoughts and hoping that convinces my body to shut the fuck up and go to sleep.  If only Samuel L. Jackson were here to read me a lullaby, but I digress.

On Wednesday I should get the replacement graphics card for my shitbox gaming computer.  That’s exciting, because the onboard graphics on this thing blow.  Hard.  Then I can finally start playing those games I picked up over Christmas.  That’d be fucking nice, if only iBUYPOWER didn’t bend me over on this thing.  Ah well.

Fuck man, I’ve got a lot of good tunes in this playlist.  I feel like I’m really digging these songs because I almost never listen to them.  I’ve got a pretty weird taste in music, that’s for sure.  Hard rock to electronic to pop to game/movie soundtracks, and on and on and on.  There’s been a couple times I’ve been called out while driving that the music playing is either strange or not popular.  I got nothing, kids.  Nothing.  If the song sounds good, then I’ll like it.

Some shit is just so boring.  Nothing exciting about the sound or the lyrics.  Unintelligible screaming, copy/pasted pop shit, etc.  Pass.

Ugh.  I don’t think this blog post is helping, but I don’t have much more in my head to write about.

I’ve more or less given up on dating I think.  It’s not because I get rejected or I’m not having any luck – it’s because I don’t put any effort into it.  At this point I feel like there’s very little to gain from putting effort into that endeavor.  Let’s look at my last three relationships:

  1. The most recent one feigned pregnancy in an attempt to get me back.  We dated for less than a month, but she was madly in love with me.  Okay, I can understand why (narcissism for the win), but come on.
  2. The one before that had a child, but her parenting methods left a lot to be desired.  I’ve dated a single parent before, so I’ve got a pretty good feel for how parenting should go.  Amongst other things, that was bound to fail.
  3. This was the big one.  We both fucked up, changed too much, changed too little.  I can’t really say much more than that.

Women in this area are either already popping out kids or tying the knot.  Kids obviously aren’t a dealbreaker, but the circumstances surrounding that situation is always a scary thing.  “Oh I’m gonna get pregnant to fix this relationship.”  Fucking retarded.  A kid isn’t going to fix shit, sorry.  That’s the kind of less-than-mature thinking that will ruin your and your kids lives.  Idiots.

I dunno.  Some of these songs bring about some legit memories from the past, I can’t get over that shit.  It’s like I’m back in 2005 right now.  It hurts, I won’t lie.  I was a fucking kid.  She was a kid too.  But we share some memories that haven’t been beaten since.  Fuck maybe it’s just my current half-asleep state of mind, but that won’t become apparent until tomorrow.  I miss all of those memories.  They were so deep, cerebral.  Everything was new.  Everything was intensified.  I was fucking 17 years old.  Here we are now in 2015, it’s been a god damned decade since all of that.  That just occurred to me, how nuts is that?  A decade ago.  Ugh.

Alright I guess I’ll conclude this rambling mess of shite.  Yeah, shite.  Bloody Brits.

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