The Odyssey – Day One

So the trip is on, children. Writing this right now from a sweet Travelodge in Sturgis, MI. The trip thus far has gone pretty much without a hitch.

Worked this morning from midnight until 8:30, ran home, double checked all of my stuff was still packed (true story), and headed out the door.  Somehow the Fusion has managed to pull of a whopping 29ish MPG on this trip so far.  For a twin turbo putting out 325 HP, color me impressed.

Took us about 10 hours to get this far.  Stopped a couple times – once because I thought downing a Dunkin frozen coffee en route was a smart idea.  My bladder thanked me for the 45 second piss somewhere between Rochester and Buffalo.  Also patronized an Arby’s near Dunkirk, because it sounded good and we technically weren’t out of the state yet at that point.

Pennsylvania is home of the second worst god damn drivers I’ve ever experienced.  Ohio is home of the first worst god damned drivers I’ve ever experienced.  PA drivers just don’t give a fuck.  Oh, there’s a car where I’m trying to merge?  He’ll move out of the way.  Oh, the speed limit is 70 MPH?  That’s just a polite suggestion really.

But Ohio…  Mannnnnn, Ohio…  Let’s preface this with one thing – I learned that the new Chrysler Pacifica inherited the same retarded drivers its predecessor had.  Ohio drivers are the absolute worst.  Speeding up when you try to pass?  Every time.  But the kicker is that even tractor trailer drivers did it.  Riding your ass all the way through Cleveland’s stop and go traffic?  YUP.  Cutting in front of you at the last minute because the mile-worth of “This lane is ending” signs weren’t enough of an advanced warning?  YUP.  Literally take the asshole driver scoresheet and just check off everything – that’s Ohio, in a nutshell.

But the day wasn’t a total bust.  Honestly 98% of the entire trip was enjoyable in my opinion.  I love driving, so being on the road for ten hours ain’t no thang.  The traffic in Cleveland didn’t bother me a single bit.  Having my phone hooked to my car, and using Android Auto, was a complete life saver.  Lane-specific turning instructions?  Best thing ever.  I knew ahead of time that I needed to be in the left-most lane, so I just hung out there through the bad traffic and waited for it to clear.  No cutting across lanes, no merging, none of the shenanigans.

Another WICKED cool thing I learned about Google Maps is that it will actually welcome you to the state you’re entering!  Seriously, when we reached Pennsylvania and crossed the border, the voice said “Welcome to Pennsylvania” and displayed the state flag on the screen.  It was a little feature, but it was pretty fucking cool for it to do that.

Once we got to Sturgis, we hit up the local Culver’s.  Last time I had this shit was way back when the family and I went to Kansas to see my brother.  Culver’s claim to fame is the ButterBurger.  The buns are buttered and fried, and the burgers themselves are something sent straight from heaven.  Imagine if Chipotle is the ritzy version of Taco Bell, Culver’s is the ritzy version of every burger joint ever.  Absolutely fantastic.  Next stop needs to be a mo-effin’ Hardee’s, but that’s a discussion for another time.

It’s nearly 10 PM and we’re planning on hitting the road around 7 AM to continue on to Nebraska.  I didn’t sleep for shit yesterday, so I should probably wrap this up for now.  The dashcam footage is importing I type this, I’ll probably hack up a featured image and add that, then pass the fuck out.

Also yes, I will find the footage of that fucking Pacifica and add it.  Deuces.

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