The Odyssey – Day Two

The follow-up to Day One is a little bit late, but whatever.  Me and the fam will be hitting the road tomorrow, so I figured this was the last chance I’d have to write.

We peaced out from the Sturgis Travelodge pretty much without incident.  Stopped at some podunk gas station to fill up the car.  I had a pretty good laugh at the sign that was inside the station that said basically “K2 and bath salts not sold here”.  Ah the small town life.  My mom mentioned later on that the lady behind the desk at the hotel was telling them a story while checking us in.  She came out to Sturgis to see family and her car broke down at some point.  She didn’t have enough money to fix it, so she’s been stuck there trying to save up money to get out.  Jesus…

Thank God that didn’t happen to us.

The roads through Indiana and Illinois were pretty easy going.  Boring, but easy going.  Ran through some storms along the way.  Saw a crop dusting plane.  ‘Twas legit.  But that’s when some bullshit came our way.

Somewhere in Illinois, we were sitting nice in super light traffic.  Cruise was set to 75.  AC was set to 70°.  Music was on some news show that we picked up.  In the oncoming lane a Ford Edge was busting a bitch (doing a U-turn) in the median.  We passed by without much a thought.  Now, enter a couple minutes after that.  I’m in the passing lane, attempting to get past a truck that must have had his cruise set to half a MPH less than us.

The Ford Edge from earlier is literally, by means of osmosis, becoming one with my rear bumper.  Now bear in mind, up until this point, my cruise control has not left 75 MPH in probably 100 miles.  I see this Edge clearly wanting to get a move on, and since he had just pulled a U-ie, figured he forgot something and was in a hurry to get back to wherever he came from.  I disengage cruise and speed up just enough to get in front of the truck in the driving lane.

Big fucking mistake.  Whoop-whoop, red and blue flashing lights come on from the Edge.  Are you fucking serious?  I pull over and get ready for whatever bullshit this guy tries to sell me.  Comes up to the passenger-side where my grandmother and dad are seated.  Roll the window down.

You know you were going 8 over right?

Ya don’t fucking say.  Could it be because you were up in my face like Mayweather was up in Conor’s face?  (Yes I realize the fight happened after this occurence, so fuck you.)

I try to explain that I was keeping up with traffic and saw he was in a hurry, so I was trying to get out of his way.  He didn’t want to hear it, asked for my license and headed back to the Stealth Edge.  At this point I’m thinking to myself, “If I get a ticket, I just won’t ever come back to this shithole state again.”  He wanders back to the window, hands back my license, and says “Just watch your speed folks” and leaves.

Now granted, he did basically wave traffic over into the passing lane so we could leave, which was a real bro move, but seriously?  Pull over the family from New York for some bullshit “speeding” charge?  JenniferLawrenceYeahOK.gif

Anyway, we get back on the road and continued on with the final leg of our journey.  A few hours later, it’s getting to be lunch time and no one can decide where to eat.  That rule of no local eats remains in effect, so grandma’s suggestion of Subway is out.  After some miscommunication on Route 80, and some quick exiting of said highway, we found ourselves in some small town called Durant, Iowa.  A T intersection with Subway in one direction and a place called the Wilton Cafe in the other, I made the executive decision to hang a Ricky and head to Wilton.

Best.  Decision.  Ever.

Oh yes.  This little cafe, let me tell you.  Their lunch entrees all came with a side of soup by default, which I thought was pretty strange, but equally awesome.  I ended up ordering a burger, because fuck yeah, ‘Merica.  I put some ketchup on said burger and thought nothing of it.  My mom was the first to realize the ketchup bottle had a green cap on it.  Dafuq?  This is why:

That’s fucking right.  JALAPEÑO KETCHUP.  How in the entire world have I never heard of such a thing before?  Mind blown, because it was absolutely amazing.  It wasn’t unreasonably spicy, just a perfect amount of heat to go along with the ketchup taste.  Unreal.

After finishing up a surprisingly awesome lunch stop, we got back on the road towards Nebraska.

Now, let me illustrate the state of Iowa for everyone reading this.  Nothing but straight roads surrounded by flat fields of whatever.  That’s it.  Literally the worst and most boring part of the trip was Iowa.  At this point in the trip, I just wanted to get to where we were going and be done.  There were some cool parts, like an absolute shitload of windmills.  Like, think Fenner but at least ten times as many.  The featured image was taken by the dashcam of some of the windmills along the side of the road.  It was real impressive.  Along the way, we passed by a lot of tractor trailers hauling windmill blades, actually.

Finally, after about 10 hours of driving on the second day, we arrived at my aunt and uncle’s place.  The Fusion performed admirably, surprisingly enough.  Oil level was perfectly level and didn’t smell burnt.  Win fricken win.  Total stats for the entire trip from NY to NE:

Total Miles – 1169.8
Total MPG – 28.3
Total Time – 18:10:23

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