As an aside, this post was originally going to be about Chloe the TT. It kind of ran off the rails and I ended up talking about my history in car modifications, so I guess I’ll just leave it at that. And before you clowns remind me of Blue Death (RIP), I never modified her, so I’m leaving her out.
ANYWHO, I guess this whole thing started back in 2007, if I had to really pin the year down. That was when I first started getting interested in automotive modifications. It wasn’t something I had planned, but when you need better sound from your stereo, one thing leads to another… Continue reading
It’s not often my emotions get the best of me. Technology, good food, and fun times with friends all make me happy – this is a known fact – but I don’t go all retardedly emotional about it. Right now though, I feel particularly overwhelmed.
Walking out my back door on my way to the car, it was immediately apparent to me how beautiful outside it was. 70°, blue skies with scattered clouds. A light breeze in the air. As I’m rolling to the end of my parking lot, Spotify shuffles to a song off of the Forza Horizon 2 soundtrack. A song that, in all honesty, went perfectly with the next 15 minutes of my life.
With my sunglasses on and the windows down, music turned up, I made my way along the back roads to my parent’s house. The sun was streaming through the trees, leaves falling as that silly, nothing-to-write-home-about, 2.0L slung me through the curves. Not even violently or aggressively. Just cruising at the perfect speed to hug the turns and put me back in my seat. With the music playing, watching the leaves behind me getting kicked up as I drove by – I was on a whole other planet.
It’s funny that something so mundane and daily could stir up this instinctual emotion. Shit, we drive somewhere almost every day, why was this so different?
Everything was just perfect. Absolutely perfect. No traffic. The perfect temperature and weather. And the most perfect song to just become one with the road. I love it. There’s no question.
This is a Public Service Announcement for motorcyclists. If you drive a motorcycle, I hope you don’t take offense to this PSA unless it applies to you – which in that case, I don’t give a fuck.
For a while now I’ve seen cars with stickers on them that say “Watch For Motorcycles.” And ya know what? That makes sense. Cycles are small, quick, and maneuverable whereas cars have blind spots and aren’t as nimble. But honestly… After this morning’s ride into work, I think I’m going to print out stickers like this:
Why? Because some motorcyclists apparently take the “Watch For Motorcycles” campaign and take it to mean:
“HURR HURR, it’s not my responsibility to drive safely and watch out for cars. They need to watch out for me!”
The reason behind this post, honestly, is that some fucktard on a crotch rocket decided to blast down 690 doing 90+ MPH. Weaving in and out of lanes. Not signaling. Being a fucking douchebag in general. I have absolutely NO tolerance for reckless driving and that’s exactly what this asshat was doing.
Now I’m not passing judgement on every motorcyclist out there. I know that a majority of them drive safely and obey the rules of the road. But it’s jackasses like this that give the rest a bad name.
So in conclusion, unless you want to end up like this:
Slow the fuck down for your sake, your family’s sake, and the sake of every other fucking driver on the road.
Alright, you can call me out on this if you want to. But either way I’m going to tell you to go fuck yourself. I drive 45 minutes to and from work 5 out of 7 days of the week. And on the weekend I probably drive even more than that. I see my fair share of vehicles on the road. But there’s one car that time and mofucking time again is piloted by complete and utter retards.
The Chrysler Pacifica.
This fucking car… I don’t get it. It’s the weirdest thing, every time I’m driving behind one of these, in front of one of these, or if I just effing encounter one on the road – the driver is a complete asshat and/or retard. Seriously!
It started back in like 2006 or 2007 when I was working out in Circuit City. I was caught behind the biggest retard ever. Doing like 10-15 below the speed limit (which aggravates me enough) but then this gets over in the passing lane for no reason other than to piss me off further. Then he goes to take a turn, but feels the need to slow down to 5 MPH to ensure he doesn’t roll it.
“Oh ho ho ho, ooooo boy this turn is so sharp I can’t roll my precious Chrysler so I’mma take it down to a toddler’s pace just to be safe!”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Gawd… So I thought nothing of it – I run into idiot drivers all the time, right? Well, as time goes on, I start noticing a trend:
Everyone that drives a Pacifica drives like ass.
Next time you’re driving and you drive up to this:
You’ll fucking remember this post. And you’re gonna be all like, “Damn, Adam was right. Every Pacifica is driven by a mentally handicapped dickbag.”